(I can remember growing up being told that someday the words I write will make a difference to someone. That the words I scribble on paper would be known to the world. And although it didn’t make sense then it’s starting to. Everyone wants to do something great something that means something to someone. Maybe mine won’t mean something to the world. But just maybe it will mean something to the people it was meant to be for. So here I write something to you and you.... I hope you know who you are individually.)
A friend of a friend told me once that once you love someone you can never hate them. Your love never goes away and although you may not be in love with them you will always love them. Or maybe you’re like me who has loved someone more than once. The people I loved once may not been the ones you thought they could be. Which is true these ones I never talked about but left a big impact on my heart. Names will never be revealed because that would just take all the fun out of it and of course I wasn’t in love with some of these but I still love them despite the matter.
Maybe we aren’t all meant to fall in love. Or when we do it just comes later and gives us a break to discover who we really and in that maybe that person doesn’t love us the same way another. Whatever it is I haven’t quite figured it out yet but that’s ok because I have so much time to find it out. All the people that impact your life it’s in a good or bad way and whether good or bad why hate them if taught us lesson with our self. Maybe the lesson was to test our boundaries in trust, or maybe it was to show the value of how good your heart really is.
I have set a lot of time a side why Keegan has been off visiting his family. A lot of time to rediscover who I really am and or who I really want to be. I’ll admit it I don’t know who I really am… I don’t know who I really want. School hasn’t shown me exactly if what I’m studying for is something that is going to make me happy later. So I thought could it be maybe I was just meant to be a mom stay at home be the lovely wife for some guy to come home to? Honestly, doesn’t really sound appealing to me only because I’m such a free spirit. Take all offense as you want but I don’t want to be tied down just yet. I want to see every inch of the world that’s appealing to my mind. I’m not calm and collective person so don’t even think that for a split second. I’m the spontaneous girl who gives up everything she had that thought that made her happy and drives 14 hours for a sudden interest of being free. Every second of driving through god knows how many states I never second guessed myself… I never thought to turn around just keep going even if I didn’t stop where I was meant to end up.
I don’t really I believe I know everything or if I even know myself well enough but that’s what I’m trying to do. Trying to live my life with no regret and no hate towards anyone and or anything. I say I don’t wan to fall in love but it’s happened even here … even if it was a slight form. But it opened me up big to see everything. You only live once, so if you ask do I regret coming back here and almost reliving my childhood? No I don’t I don’t regret it one bit, but I do know I won’t miss it not one bit.
